February 1996
"Love Letter" to the Media for Valentine's Day
The San Francisco Psychoanalytic Institute, wanting to build a
more positive relationship with the press, began publishing this
newsletter in 1994. News Room is designed to provide reporters
with ideas for stories. These last two years have seen an expanding
relationship between psychoanalysts and the media, as more and
more reporters use psychoanalysts as sources for stories.
Please let us know how we can make News Room even more responsive to your needs. Call Media Consultant, Mary Tressel at 1-800-260-2663.
Mark Levy, M.D.
Scientific Editor
Building a Successful Relationship
What makes a good relationship successful? Surprisingly, psychiatrist Mitchell Wilson, M.D., a candidate in psychoanalysis, feels that good relationships are based to a large extent on the idealization of the other partner. "While it's easy to go overboard and think that a person's perfect, a healthy degree of respect and admiration for each other is the foundation for a good relationship," he says.
"While there are inevitable disappointments in any relationship, a basic idealization will help partners acknowledge each other's strengths and carry them through conflicts."
Enduring love develops between two people who share a similar vision of the future. "That shared vision will help couples work through differences of opinion as they reshape their childhood hopes for a relationship into something that is real and lasting."
Dr. Wilson notes that there is competitiveness in any close relationship, whether between siblings, children and parents or married couples. "The idea is to channel these aggressive feelings productively so that problems can be resolved"
Dr. Wilson acknowledges that relationships today are under a special strain, as heavy work loads and less leisure time take their toll "Intimacy grows when people reveal themselves to each other, and that takes time. It's important for couples to take the time to discuss what they're feeling. When the inevitable conflicts arise, couples must learn to negotiate fairly without judgment - around the issues."
To interview Dr. Wilson about successful relationships, please call Media Consultant, Mary Tressel at 1-800-260-2663.
Are Men and Women Really from Different Planets?
With all the recent books on how men and women view the world differently, it's easy to discount the fact that "in most ways, men are really very similar to women," notes Katherine MacVicar, M.D., president of the San Francisco Psychoanalytic Institute and Society.
"Our culture discourages men from expressing their feelings, and while there is some truth to the stereotypes that describe men as logical and women as emotional, men's and women's personalities often overlap."
Dr. MacVicar recognizes that there is room for miscommunication between any two people, especially those who are involved in an intimate relationship. "There's a tendency to read your own motives into someone else's statements. Also, when you really care about a person, you become more vulnerable and open to disappointment and anger."
In addition, "there's a great deal in our culture that works against intimacy. Especially when you factor in the stress of work and childrearing, intimacy is the first.
Dr. MacVicar offers these suggestions to couples who want to improve their communication:
- Speak to your own feelings and point of view.
- Learn to listen to what your partner is actually saying; don't assume you know what he or she means.
- Don't interrupt. Allow your partner to have his or her complete say, without judging the content.
- Don't assume you understand what your partner is saying; ask questions, explore possibilities.
- Insist on having your say. Don't let your partner "railroad" you into expressing an opinion that is not your own.
- Keep in mind that people are not always at their best, and communication suffers when someone is tired or stressed. Make allowances for the fact that you're both only human. Be flexible and forgiving.
- Keep your sense of humor. Seeing the funny side of a conversation helps keep things in perspective.
- Accept each other, flaws and all.
To interview Dr. MacVicar about communication between men and women, please call Media Consultant, Mary Tressel at 1-800-260-2663.
"Mommy, Am I Adopted?"
In the United States, one in 50 children is raised by parents who aren't blood relatives, and an additional child in 50 is raised by non-parental relatives or step-parents. "Those numbers make up 4 percent of American children," says psychoanalyst Woodrow Donovan, M.D.
While the vast majority of adopted children grow up in supportive environments and lead happy, well-adjusted lives, Dr. Donovan understands the media appeal of stories about children who are suddenly orphaned, adopted children who are abused or neglected, or those who become violent criminals. "There is a psychological basis for the appeal of these stories," he reasons. "As children, everyone has the fantasy of being adopted, of not belonging to his or her family. These stories appeal to the feelings of abandonment we all sometimes experienced as children."
Dr. Donovan describes several myths surrounding people who were adopted. "We generally think of domestic infant adoptions, but there are also international adoptions, inter-racial adoptions and the adoption of children with special needs, such as those who are developmentally or emotionally disabled. "People also tend to believe that people who are adopted have a higher incidence of emotional problems and, while some adopted children have difficulty early on, there is no difference in the mental health of adopted and non-adopted adults."
When emotional problems occur in people who are adopted, they understandably center on feelings of rejection, loss and deprivation. "Children who know nothing of their social history can feel disconnected as they struggle to define who they are. These feelings are compounded when the adoptive parents get defensive or secretive about the child's natural parents."
Dr. Donovan sees the trend toward open records in adoptions to be very positive. "Socially, them is a greater acceptance of adoption, and psychologically, when parents are honest and straightforward about adoption, children are able to come to terms with the natural sadness they feel about the loss of their biological parents. Conversely, when parents become hypersensitive to the issue of adoption, they may become secretive or overly solicitous about their adopted child"
To interview Dr. Donovan about children who are adopted, please call Media Consultant, Mary Tressel at 1-800-260-2663.